Social Awkwardness...

So I've been thinking about a conversation I had with my guardian/aunt - whom i live with during the exeat and half-term breaks - about building confidence to speak and socialize, be it for the sake of personal or work issues. I guess as a primary teacher and a mother of two, she found the need to speak up about my problem of shyness. (Which I guess was pretty evident especially after all the exeats I've spent at her home.) She told me how she and her two daughters managed their own problems of social awkwardness as an example that everyone feels scared when forced into an event with people they don't know. It's just that some have different ways of hiding the fear like clinging to their friends or just being brash and loud. We discussed how confidence is the basis of almost every job you can think of, let alone going up a step from college to Uni. So, in the end - I kinda forced myself to do this - we agreed I would send an email [to her] every week to report my attempts to strive as a socially AWESOME penguin rather than an awkward one.

So... why share now? Because I'm scared. I'm still scared to make a move. Though I was quite moved by the inspiration speech imbedded within the conversation - yes, I was in the verge of crying again. - I'm still doubting my decision to say "Okay, I'll do it." I'm not sure if it's my guardian whole aura of steel that made me say so but throughout the trip back to school, my thoughts were screaming "OMMAFUGGINGGAWD. OMMAFUGGINGGAWD. WHUDDAMIGONNADO?! WHUDDAMIGONNADO?! OMMAFASDFSJADFHAK..." (if you can actually read that, props to you. you have the skills of understanding panic-induced blabbers.) Either way, I'm now in a position in which I'm forced to socialize. Luckily my aunt is quite easy on what is considered appropriate such as "Today I sat next to someone new and asked them about their day." (Though I must admit even THAT would be frightfully grueling to me. ugh.) Welp, no moving back, now that I've said yes. I don't want to make the hardest/strongest woman I know disappointed...